First there was light
then the pain because the two seem to always accompany one another.
I saw blearily at first but then it became clearer but I still did not understand.
All I could do was react emotionally.
Then it seemed as though forces were overpowering me that wanted to lead me off to unknown places I feared to go.
It seemed I was doomed to go and although I had complete control over my faculties, I was unable to rationalize the meaning of what was occurring.
Nor could I discern the forces that had assumed control and felt powerless to overcome them for they seemed to be everywhere.
I fought tooth and nail and cried out at this injustice and was heeded not.
A seeming hopeless reality was taking hold although my will was strong, these forces, beyond my ability to understand, seemed formidable and unwavering.
I too was a force.
Determined and confident in my abilities and my cause, I renewed my efforts.
I soon found change was upon me sudden and foreboding.
I was comfortable from whence I came and was determined to return.
I expended all my abilities towards that end to no avail.
In the distance I heard the outrage of others and knew I had brethren in the fight.
This was an encouragement to me so I continued my noble struggle.
At the same time I heard the mockery of my enemies and in their endeavors they belittled my efforts.
I was undeterred and fought on against them.
They must be evil in their intentions for they’ve not allowed me any facility of my own and have steadfastly stifled my every effort to expose their oppression.
Yet I was the one held naked and exposed before them and
shame might have overwhelmed me but I knew the fault could not be of my making and took confidence that still my cause was just.
I lashed out at them time and again with purpose and vigor
yet their disdain was obvious and struck me unmercifully.
Again I cried out against this oppression with a truly bellowing lament but only received their laughs of superiority in return
I was grasped by a force that seemed to reach out of nowhere and whisked away to an unknown place.
Soon, even while I swore to myself this force wouldn’t win the day, I felt something wash over me.
This awareness came upon me somehow conveying that all my past transgressions were now cleansed.
Then something very strange occurred.
I felt a warm velvety embrace of acceptance and security all about me.
An all encompassing embrace the likes of which I’ve never felt before.
Soon after I found myself, seemingly by magic, placed in a warm cocoon and was nourished within this cocoon of assurance.
I felt my anger start to subside in the face of this acceptance.
I beheld an embrace of complete acceptance despite the viciousness of my past transgressions.
I began to open my mind to new vistas and a wider recognition of what I had previously known to be my reality and welcomed a new hope of a new horizon filled with coming discovery
I began to acknowledge that I wasn’t alone and that there was a reality that I previously knew nothing of.
Although I thought the reality from whence I came was all and thought then the logic of it indisputable, undeniable.
Now I opened myself to this discovery with hope and a new gratitude and at just that moment, I looked up, slightly bemused at the distorted caricatures peering at me pressed against the transparent barrier and smiled.
Written by Scott Schoffstall
© December 19, 2010
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